Surrogacy is a beautiful way to build families, but it’s also surrounded by many myths and misconceptions. If you’re new to surrogacy or curious about how it works, you might have heard things that made you feel uneasy. Let’s set the record straight by debunking some common surrogacy myths with the real facts and a dose of reassurance. Understanding the truth can help everyone feel more comfortable and confident in the surrogacy journey.
Myth #1: “The surrogate is the baby’s mother and might want to keep the baby.”
Reality: In modern gestational surrogacy, the woman carrying the baby (the surrogate) is not the baby’s biological mother. The embryo is created from the intended parents’ egg and sperm (or donors), so the surrogate has no genetic link to the child. Legal contracts and court orders establish the intended parents as the baby’s legal parents from birth.
Surrogates go into the process knowing the baby isn’t “theirs,” and they overwhelmingly report feeling joy, not loss, when the baby is born and united with the intended parents. Many surrogates say they feel like they are “babysitting” the baby for the parents until birth, and they’re happy to see the family they helped become whole.
In short, a gestational surrogate has no parental rights to the child and almost never has any desire to keep the baby.
Myth #2: “Surrogates are only in it for the money.”
Reality: Surrogates do receive compensation for the incredible service they provide, but money isn’t the only motivator – and it’s rarely the biggest one. Most women who become surrogates are driven by compassion and the desire to help others experience the joy of parenthood.
They often describe a calling to be a surrogate, and many have thought about helping another family in this way for years. Yes, the financial compensation helps achieve some personal goals (like helping their own family or funding a future dream), but reputable agencies carefully screen surrogates to ensure they have heartfelt motivations beyond just a paycheck.
Surrogates pour months of effort, care, and love into a pregnancy – something you wouldn’t do “just for money.” Their empathy and dedication are at the heart of why they choose this journey.
Myth #3: “Intended parents choose surrogacy because it’s the ‘easy way’ or a vanity option.”
Reality: The idea that people pursue surrogacy for convenience couldn’t be further from the truth. Intended mothers don’t choose surrogacy to avoid stretch marks or discomfort – in fact, most would do anything to be able to carry their child themselves.
Typically, surrogacy is a last resort after years of infertility struggles, medical issues, or other challenges that make pregnancy impossible or dangerous for the intended parent. By the time they consider surrogacy, many intended parents have been through heartache and loss (often multiple rounds of IVF or miscarriages).
Surrogacy is far from “easy” – it’s a lengthy, emotional, and expensive process. Intended parents who finally turn to a surrogate are motivated by hope and love for a child they’ve long dreamed of, not by ease or vanity. Suggesting otherwise can be hurtful, because these parents have often walked a very hard road to get to this point.
Myth #4: “The intended parents won’t bond with a baby they didn’t carry.”
Reality: It’s natural to wonder if not carrying your baby might affect the bond. Thankfully, experience shows that love isn’t measured by DNA or pregnancy. Intended parents can and do bond deeply with their babies born via surrogacy.
Many are actively involved throughout the surrogate’s pregnancy – attending ultrasound appointments, talking or singing to the baby in the womb, and eagerly preparing for parenthood. The baby knows their voices and love even before birth.
What truly forms a parent-child bond is the care, affection, and time spent once the baby is born. Holding your newborn, feeding them, cuddling them – those moments create an unbreakable connection.
In fact, many moms via surrogacy report feeling that instant “heart explosion” of love the minute they hold their baby, just as any mother would. Remember, bonding comes from being Mom or Dad in all the ways that count – loving and caring for your child – and that’s exactly what intended parents do.
Myth #5: “Surrogacy is only for the rich and famous – regular people can’t afford it.”
Reality: It’s true that surrogacy can be expensive, but that doesn’t mean it’s only an option for celebrities or millionaires. Many ordinary families of average means pursue surrogacy successfully.
Intended parents often budget, save, and make financial plans to afford the process. Some use loans, grants, fundraising, or payment plans to help manage the costs. There are even financing programs specifically for fertility and surrogacy.
While the price tag is high, it’s important to remember why – you’re covering medical procedures, legal fees, the surrogate’s care, agency services, and more, to ensure a safe and ethical journey for everyone.
Intended parents come from all walks of life, not just the ultra-wealthy. With the right support and planning, surrogacy can be attainable for many determined would-be parents. Don’t let the myth of “only the rich can do it” discourage you from exploring this path if it’s the right one for your family.
In summary, surrogacy can seem complex, but understanding the truth behind these common myths brings a lot of peace of mind.
Whether you’re considering becoming a surrogate or growing your family through surrogacy as an intended parent, know that the process is built on trust, love, and strong legal and ethical foundations.
Don’t let rumors or misconceptions stand in the way of what could be a beautiful journey. When in doubt, seek information from reputable surrogacy professionals or those who have been through it – you’ll find that reality is much more reassuring than the myths!
For more information on becoming a surrogate, please reach out to us at info@storkconnections.com or directly to 619.324.9574
Warm Regards,
Tonya Zlock
Founder, Stork Connections LLC
