After Baby Arrives: Gratitude and Moving Forward
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Part 5
Back home (or in your hotel if you had to travel) with your newborn, you enter the next phase of emotions: life as a new parent, with the added layer of reflecting on the surrogacy journey. In the initial weeks and months, you’ll likely be consumed by feeding schedules, snuggles, and adjusting to your baby’s needs. The joy of having your little one at last may periodically swell up and catch you off guard – like rocking your baby at 3 AM and realizing, they’re really here, I’m really a parent now. Those moments are incredibly sweet and validating. Any lingering fear that you wouldn’t bond usually evaporates as you respond to their cries, learn their funny facial expressions, and soothe them with your voice. You’ll realize that, just as many experienced parents told you, the fact that someone else carried them does not diminish your bond in the slightest; this is unquestionably your child, and your love is as fierce as can be.
As you settle in, you might also feel immense gratitude become a permanent part of you. Not that you weren’t grateful before, but now every time you see your child’s smile, you might say a little thank-you in your mind to the universe, to your surrogate, to everyone who helped make this happen. Some parents even keep a photo of the surrogate in the baby’s room or a keepsake from the journey, as a reminder of the extraordinary way their child came into the world. You may decide, as many do, that you will openly share age-appropriate parts of the surrogacy story with your child as they grow, framing the surrogate as a special person who helped Mommy and Daddy bring them into the world out of love. Knowing that this was a positive, loving process will likely be part of your family’s narrative, and that can feel very fulfilling to articulate over time.
It’s also possible to experience some after-effects of stress or trauma once the baby is here safe. Sometimes when we finally reach a goal after a long struggle, we might unexpectedly process some of the pain that we pushed aside before. An intended mother may have a good cry one day not out of sadness for now, but releasing the pent-up sorrow from the years of trying and failing. Or you might find yourself unusually anxious about something happening to the baby – a common feeling for any new parent, but perhaps heightened if you’ve experienced loss before. These feelings are normal; if they become overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out to a counselor or support group. Postpartum emotions aren’t exclusive to birth mothers – new parents via surrogacy can also ride an emotional wave after the baby arrives. Give yourself space to feel whatever comes, and focus on the positive present.
Another emotion you might encounter is a strong sense of advocacy or wanting to help others. Having been through surrogacy, many intended parents feel inspired to support other couples going through infertility or to speak out and normalize surrogacy. You might feel proud telling your story to those who ask (or writing a blog, or participating in an online forum). There can be a sense of camaraderie with others who understand what you went through. On the flip side, you might also feel protective of your family’s story – not wanting to share details with everyone, and that’s perfectly fine too. Some may ask insensitive questions like, “Whose sperm/egg was it?” or “Is the surrogate going to be in the baby’s life?” etc. You’ll get comfortable answering or deflecting as needed. Over time, you’ll find that for most people in your daily life, the fact that your child was born via surrogate becomes just one aspect of their history, not a constant topic. You get to just be Mom or Dad, which is likely all you ever wanted.
Looking back on the journey, many intended parents feel a sense of amazement and completeness. It might strike you at odd times – perhaps on your baby’s first birthday, you’ll remember where you were a couple of years ago and be overwhelmed with gratitude and pride at how far you’ve come. Some intended parents even decide to go through surrogacy again for a sibling, braving the rollercoaster a second time now that they know the tremendous payoff at the end. Others feel that one epic journey was enough, and that’s completely valid too! However your path continues, the experience of surrogacy will likely have changed you. You might find you’re more patient now, or more resilient, or that you sweat the small stuff less because you know what truly matters. Holding your baby in your arms, you understand in your core that every tear, every dollar, every sleepless night of worry was worth it.
In the end, the emotional journey of intended parents through surrogacy is one of hope triumphing over despair. You carried hope in your heart even when things were dark, and that hope – combined with the generosity of your surrogate – led you to the bright day where you hold your child. It’s a journey of learning to trust, of finding strength in vulnerability, and of witnessing the incredible good that can come from the kindness of others. As you cuddle your little one, you might whisper the words you’ve wanted to say forever: “We love you so much, and we’re so happy you’re here.” And maybe, just maybe, you’ll also whisper a “thank you” – to everyone who helped make this moment possible, and to yourself for never giving up. This is the emotional journey of intended parents: a testament that with love, support, and perseverance, the most cherished dreams can and do come true.
Whether you’re an intended parent just starting your journey or a new parent reflecting on your path, Stork Connections is here to support you at every step — and beyond.
For more information on becoming a surrogate, please reach out to us at info@storkconnections.com or directly to 619.324.9574. We're here to support you every step of the way.
Warm Regards,
Tonya Zlock
Founder, Stork Connections LLC
